Happy Monday, everybody. And strap yourselves in because we’re about to get deeper than my proctologist after he takes off his Rolex. Tonight’s show is more than entertainment, it’s three credits at Gutfeld University. Let’s go. So back in ancient Greece, the famous philosopher Socrates actually chose to drink a cup of poisoned hemlock rather than renounce what he believed in. That’s a tough guy. I think Mitch McConnell tried that once with a bottle of expired Ensure, but they sure don’t make philosophers like they used to. They used to die for their causes. Now they whine about them. On last week’s Bill Maher show, celebrated political philosopher Sam Harris explained the left’s view of Donald Trump.
SAM HARRIS: Everything he’s doing is in plain view and it’s not illegal. He’s just violating every political norm… he has shattered every norm… We didn’t even know we… How much we relied on norms. I mean, we’re a nation of laws but more important than the laws are the norms like like committing to a peaceful transfer of power when you’re a president. I mean, that was the most shocking violation of normal democratic principles.
Uhhh the guy’s a bigger gasbag than the Hindenburg. Glad we have a picture to show. He’s worried about violating norms? This as 70% of Americans say the country is going on the wrong track. Now, you would think we’d move past all that old BS that Trump’s words are worse than the left’s actions. But now we’ve had three years of action. And dammit, if I’m not missing Trump’s words. Right, Megyn?
MEGYN KELLY: You’ve called women you don’t like fat pigs, dogs, slobs and disgusting animals.
DONALD TRUMP: Only Rosie O’Donnell.
KELLY: No, it wasn’t.
That still gets a laugh. But how awful and mean and hurtful. But Sam, is it as awful as war or a non-existent border or a never-ending crime wave? Now, one person wasn’t buying that crap, and it was Mary Katherine Ham. I have to say, I used to date her sister, Honey Baked. I wonder if she agrees with him about the norms.
MARY KATHERINE HAM: I agree with you about the norms. And here’s the problem. A bunch of people, including in the justice system, looked at Trump and said he’s going to bust all the norms. And you know what we need to do? Bust all the norms to stop him. And that is a very, very unhealthy decision.
Oh, they just crumbled. Kudos to her for pointing out that the left themselves have scrapped all the norms to try to get rid of the big orange meanie. It’s as if they used accusations of immorality that didn’t materialize to justify their own, which did. But as always, the brilliant but fragile Sam’s response seems to be. Yeah, but. But, but, but, but. But. Trump. It’s the left magic word. And suddenly logic no longer applies, and you forget everything else. That’s their version of yelling fire in a crowded theater or yelling free donuts in the green room at “The View.” But this isn’t the first time Trump’s made Sam snap like Aaron Rodgers’s ankle. Oh, I know. I don’t even know who he is, actually. Remember what Harris said about Hunter? That he wouldn’t care if he was a murderous pedophile because Trump’s way worse?
HARRIS: Hunter Biden literally could have had the corpses of children in his basement. I would not have cared. Whatever scope of Joe Biden’s corruption is, like, if we could just go down that rabbit hole endlessly and understand that he’s getting kickbacks from Hunter Biden’s deals in Ukraine or wherever else, right? Or China. It is infinitesimal compared to the corruption we know Trump is involved in.
Which isn’t true, of course, but Sam wouldn’t have cared about dead kids in the basement. Guess that explains the bone saw in his coat pocket. But to Sam, Trump is walking hemlock due to all these norms being violated. But which ones? Really? Again, Was it the border norms? No. Back under Trump, we actually had a border which is normal for countries throughout all of recorded history. Otherwise, people pillage your country like it’s a San Francisco Walgreens. Law and order norms? Well, I guess things are more normal now, right? Because looting and murders could never be as bad as mean tweets. Sorry, Sam. I’ve yet to hear about that old Asian man that was beat to death by a gang of Trump’s tweets. But in Sam’s world, that’s the first thing storekeepers say when they’re getting brutalized by thugs.
Thank God no one’s reading this. Someone’s feelings could get hurt. Foreign policy norms? We’re funding the biggest European conflict since World War II and treating it as business as usual. By the way, Trump’s tally on wars? Here’s a hint. It’s the exact same number of things Kamala Harris has accomplished as VP. Zero. Biological norms? Oh, please. Don’t you know there’s no such thing as gender anymore? Genders are like so two years ago. I guess maybe Sam’s happier with the phrase ‘Grab her by the penis.’ Who would have thought that would be a punch line? And they applaud. So this is the new normal? Watching the nation fall apart while we panic over pronouns. This guy is as soft as a tube sock filled with yogurt. You see the point, though. If America had an H.R. department, 40% of the country would be in there sobbing and claiming that they don’t feel safe every time Trump approaches the podium.
At least that’s the percentage the media wants you to believe. Personally, I believe it’s a lot less. By the way, how can a party that wants to feel safe all the time invite millions of unvetted illegals into the country? I guess nothing makes them feel safer than seeing a young male’s face in the ATM mirror with three teardrop tattoos. But hey, maybe that means he watched “Love Actually” three times and cried each time. Now look, does Trump say and tweet things that a president has traditionally not done? Yes. Just this weekend, Nikki Haley says Trump’s campaign left a birdcage and bird food outside her hotel room in Iowa. It’s a reference to the new “Birdbrain” nickname Trump’s been testing out for Haley.
He left the same gifts outside Chris Christie’s room, but the next day, the bird food was gone. So yeah, of course, he does some things past presidents haven’t done, and maybe I wish he wouldn’t– not because it scares the snowflake Sams of the world, but because it detracts from his message. But sorry, folks, Trump’s a package deal. You get the good, the bad, and the ugly. And I’m far more interested in the violation of norms that affect our lives. Not words, but again, deeds. Record inflation, a plummeting national quality of life, cities that look like the kind of places you normally send U.N. peacekeepers. And let’s be even more honest, if we’re talking about presidential norms, how do you explain this?
VIDEO OF PRESIDENT BIDEN LOSING HIS TRAIN OF THOUGHT: I hope this experience for the speaker has been one of personal revelation. I’m not being facetious. I… Anyway.
That’s bad. So much for the norms of walking, talking and not starting World War III. But if Joe’s normal, hell, I will take the abnormal orange guy every time. So should you.
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