Patro the Pied Piper
Posted by Buzz Beeler on 20th January 2017

October 24, 2014 3:48 pm ET

Community association president leads the rats out of NPV

Source: Patro the Pied Piper

In the legend of the Pied Piper, a savior uses his magic flute to lead hordes of rats out of a village.
In today’s modern re-telling of the story, the piper doesn’t use a flute, but rather uses a phone.

The hero of our story today is North Point Village Community Association President David Patro, who had his buttons pushed enough to make him play hard ball on the rat removal. But, before we get to that, we need to start at the beginning.

Once upon a time, some resident of NPV decided to trap rats and place them into a cage. It was an awful task dealing with the germ infested vermin, but this person decided that it was the prudent thing to do.

However, that is where it gets ugly. Because, you see, apparently this individual did not have all of his oars in the water, so to speak. The rat trapper decided to release the critters from their cages onto the NPV ball fields.
Imagine, if you will, the number of young children who use these fields, and the horror of said children coming into contact with the vermin. All kinds of creepy critters could encounter these innocent kids because of guy and his misguided deeds. (In fact, some might say that the rat trapper is a goof and something should be done to stop him from potentially injuring anyone on one of those recreational fields.)

And that is when our hero, David, enters the story. He did what any community leader would do—picked up the phone and let his fingers do the walking. Unfortunately, he dialed right into the middle of a “dead man’s hand.”
Because, you see, that is where the story gets complicated.

The first agency he called—after pressing numbers from 1 to a hundred, to navigate the automated system—told David, “Thank you for calling, but we don’t handle stuff like this. Try again and have a nice day.”

And so it went for the hero of our story. When he would actually reach a live (in some cases) human being, the person would spend a good chunk of time telling David why he/she can’t help. In reality, the bloated explanation would take considerably longer than the two minutes it would actually take to handle the problem.

So, after hearing more excuses than there are agencies in the county, David decided to stop being “Mr. Nice Guy” and, instead, decided to play hard ball by calling in the man, big wig, top dog, and overall “guy with the big stick”—State’s Attorney Scott Shellenberger. For today’s story, we will call Mr. Shellenberger “the second hero.”

To illustrate how it is better to do one’s job rather than weave and dodge the proverbial ball, all it took was for Mr. Shellenberger to find what law to apply to these dastardly deeds and pass it on to the police who I’m quite sure responded with a – right away sir! As they say, no easier said than done.

You see, Mr. Shellenberger is used to getting rid of rats, but those are typically the two-legged variety. However, in this case, our second hero told our first hero that the matter would be dealt with promptly. To that end, after a couple of phone calls, the response to the issue was a rousing, “We can take care of this for you quickly, Mr. Patro.”

Cue the applause, folks.

There are several morals to be learned from this story. First, Mr. Patro is not someone to be trifled with, especially when it comes to the health and welfare of his residents. Second, sometimes going to the right person is the wrong move, while going to the wrong person—with the right political stroke—will get the best results. And finally, automated phone systems are not friendly or efficient, but that is another story for another time.

If you agree, press one. If not, press two…

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